Atypical Musings

If you haven’t yet heard me proclaim it from the mountaintops, my favorite show is “Psych”, which airs on Friday nights at 10 PM (EST) on USA Network.  I like to tell people I have a steady date with Shawn Spencer on Friday nights…it makes my social life seem juicier (or really sad if they ask who “Shawn Spencer” is and I have to explain that he’s a real detective who plays a fake psychic and it’s all on a T.V. show).

If you know all about “Psych”, proceed to next paragraph.  To catch up on my love of all things “Psych”, you can read these posts: “Psych”Is Back”,  “Psych” Snow Globe, or just put “Psych” in the search bar underneath the comments section of my blog.

Shawn (James Roday) is a a child of divorce, which comes across in his character, especially in some of the conversations he has with his fatther, Henry (Corbin Bernsen).  Shawn harbors resentment against Henry, who he sees as the main reason his parents divorced.  Apparently, Henry was married to his job as a police officer first, and his family second.  It comes up here and there in episodes, and seems to be one of the only show’s “serious” moments (and even then the “moments” are fairly laughable).

While Shawn is very likable, he seems to make shallow, fast relationships.  The only real friend he has is his childhood buddy, Gus.  Perhaps that is part of his character, or perhaps the writers who produce the script are also children of divorce.  It’s a statistic probability.

Interestingly, in tonight’s episode, there was a side plot in which Henry started seeing a woman (who he was set up with by Interim Chief Vick).  Shawn averted his eyes when meeting this woman in his father’s house, as though she was naked (even though she was fully clothed).   Chief Vick and Henry kept asking Shawn’s opinion of the woman, which drove Shawn crazy and caused him a lot of discomfort.

Finally, at the end of the episode, Shawn confronts his dad.  Shawn says that he doesn’t want to hear about his father’s dating life or offer him any advice.  To which Henry replies that Shawn needs to get over the fact his parents are divorced and that Henry has a right to a little happiness.  Shawn relents a bit and offers his Dad this bit of dating advice, “Treat her like a person, then a princess, then a Greek goddess, and then a person again” (to which James Roday’s entire female fan base let out a collective sigh).

Even though “Psych” is far from a drama, I felt irritated by Henry’s actions.  I wanted to yell, “Figure it out yourself and stop bothering your son.”  Something about it hit home, and I realized that never were a fictional character and I closer.

No, I am not a detective pretending to be a psychic.  I do not live in Santa Barbara.  My best friend is not a black guy named Gus.

But I am a child of divorce and an only child at that.  I do hate when my mom overwhelms me seeking advice for her personal life.  It’s also hard for me to accept that my mommy and and daddy are no longer a unit.  Plus, I do have an affinity for pineapples.

Often times when parents divorce, an only child (a kid with no siblings) finds his or herself in the middle of the fray.  There’s no one to talk to about the situation, so it gets emotionally buried.  The parent to whom the child is closer sees the child as a friend instead of a daughter or son.  The lines are blurred, not only is the child dealing with his or her feelings about divorce, but also carrying the burden of one or both of the parents.

Just like Shawn, I don’t want to be my mom or dad’s buddy.  I want to be their little girl.  An only child’s status is especially threatened when one or both parents move on into new relationships and get remarried.  In my situation, since my dad had an affair, he had already moved on, but when my mom suddenly got remarried, I could not cope with it.

A child of divorce and remarriage no longer belongs to any family.  Sure, the books say that the a new family can be invented and offer creative ways to integrate and fuse two separate families into one.  Sometimes it works when the kids are like five, but until I was 19, all I knew was my mother and father and that they would be together forever.  That idea was shattered the April night I found out about my dad’s affair and completely crushed in October 2001 when the divorce was finalized.

A child of any age rarely has a decision when it comes to his or her parents’ divorce, nor do they have a say in their remarriage to others (even though some parents seek the advice of their children, sometimes a little too much).  I keep looking for a solution to this problem in my mind, but all I can do is sigh, accept the pain, and move on.  Sometimes  there is nothing to be done but to heal and hope that others don’t callously offer unhelpful advice that is salt rubbed into an open wound.

So, this is what I leave you with:

*Divorce hurts children–fictional ones and real ones.  They are the very real victims in a war that is not their faults.  The war in homes has many, many innocent victims with a high casualty rate.

*Adult and teenage children don’t want to be their parents’ friends; they want their parents to be parents.  Sure, children can offer some advice on certain matters.  But the line between parent and child should never be blurred.

*Remarriage hurts children, especially older children.  Not only has their world been rocked by divorce (and the reasons behind the divorce), but now they have to accept another person into their worlds.  Parents, take the time to make sure that the love of your life is one who will love and respect your children.

*Despite the pain, children of divorce can recover and lead normal, happy, and healthy lives!

A lot of people don’t want to wait, but it is better for your children.  And while parent shouldn’t live their lives to please their kids,  they also shouldn’t expect their children just to accept another person into the family mix.  Again, an only child has a special parental bond and it is damaged when a parent jumps too quickly into another relationship.

*Remember, treat woman like humans, then princesses, then Greek goddesses, and then humans again.

EAT MORE PINEAPPLE!