I am Mojo Da Nytha of the Bible

Yay for flannelgraph!

My friend, Chris Wilson, whose blog is always a good read is calling out his friends to write posts about which Bible characters most closely resemble themselves. Chris explains with his in Jacob here.

I identify with so many different characters in the Bible for various reasons. Much to my dismay, most of them happen to be male.

A lot of people tell me I am David because of my heart, writing, and sensitivity to God. By proxy, Sarah’s a Jonathan because of our close friendship.

Others tell me I am like an Old Testament prophet, perhaps Jeremiah or Elijah. I wouldn’t mind being Elijah, but he does a lot of cool stuff and then doesn’t do much after his time in the desert under the broom tree.

I’ve always fancied Joseph, Jacob’s second youngest son. I related to him in high school when I was being mocked by my peers. One day, I thought, God will use this for good…and He has, just not in the ways I’ve expected. And at one point thought of myself as Peter, the brash talker who is so quick to act, and yet he trips over his words all the time.

I want to be like Anna, the old woman who was waiting in the temple praying day and night for the Messiah to come, and finally, she lays her wise eyes on the baby Jesus when he is presented in the temple. Or Mary of Bethany, who sat at Jesus’ feet among the men, even though it wasn’t her “place.” Naturally, I also want to be like Jesus.

Still, that doesn’t answer the question–who do I think that I am?

Life: Right now, at this very moment in my life, I am Moses getting ready to head back into Egypt to do the mission that God has called him to do. He is scared because Egypt is the last place that he wants to go after the crap he pulled there. Yet he knows that he must follow the Lord. He is unconfident, yet obedient. I feel like this is where I am in regards to local ministry and church.

I am also Joseph, who suffered, in part, due to his own vanity. Yet God used Joseph’s trials for good and managed to save others through him. I see God using me to do the same in slightly different ways than actually ruling countries. I’m definitely a dreamer and I could rock a coat of many colors. I also have a family that has hurt me deeply, that I must work on forgiving like Joseph did.

Work: I am Nympha, a woman Paul sends a greeting to in Romans 16:1. Her work goes unmentioned, but it must be important. I feel like that as a woman, and some of the things I do. I know that what I do is valuable, but it sometimes is unknown. There is a reason that we are not told what Nympha’s exact role in the church was, but perhaps she held a church in her home. A lot of my work is not ready to be showcased to the world, but it gets a fair mention. I’m cool with that…most days.

Personality/Spirituality: I seem to be a lot like David. I know he was a great king, but he also had his moody times (you know, like the Psalms), despite his doubts and his sins, he is still a man after God’s own heart. I’d like to think I am like that, that my heart is turned towards God. David feels deeply and is deeply attuned to God. I do believe I am that way. I don’t say that to sound arrogant, but to offer an accurate assessment of the question. Plus, David had to hide for his life and poured anguish into his Psalms because someone he loved and trusted betrayed him deeply. I feel that pain, too.

Practical Application of Spiritual Discpline: I am also Martha, a woman who loves to serve, but often ends up too busy to actually sit at the feet of God. I like to do a lot of projects. Sometimes because then I don’t have to think about what’s really bothering me. I like to do things for God without actually spending time with Him, which terribly frustrates the David part of me.

I am Moses, Joseph, David, Nympha, and Martha (Mojodanymtha or Mojo Da Nytha, the latter sounds cooler, like I’m a rapper), in all their glories and in their shortcomings.

I thought about being funny and saying I was Baalam’s talking donkey, but that would make me an ass, wouldn’t it?

Need a Hit Man? Try Craig’s List

You can buy anything online these days–M*A*S*H memorabilia, puppies, Grey Holiday CDs, and so on. Plus, you can be eco-friendly and read the local and national classifieds online to find a job, sell a car, or kill your lover’s husband. At least that’s how one woman in Michigan used the popular classifieds site, Craig’s List (full story).

Ann Marie Liscott, 49, offered potential hit men and hit women a measly $5,000 to off the wife of her online paramour, who she originally met in 2005 while in Reno on a conference (looks like what happens in Reno, doesn’t stay in Reno). The couple kept in touch online, and had another romantic meeting in 2007.

Unfortunately for Liscott, she didn’t find anyone to off her rival and went about it in such a bone-headed way she sure would have got caught for sure. I mean, really, who uses Craig’s List to fuel a murder-for-hire? What happened to the ol’ days when the meeting took place in a dark alley, money changed hands, and the deed was done with a sawed-off shotgun?

Happily, tragedy was avoided, except for what the victim thinks of her husband now that she learned of his romantic tryst with Liscott.

Happy International Delete Your MySpace Account Day!

Note: I’m posting this “early” so International Readers can get a chance to celebrate, just like the rest of us. Nothing like learning you were invited to a party two hours after it’s over.

A big thanks to SMOOVE on the YMX Forums to bringing this hilarious issue to my attention!!!

It doesn’t quite roll off your tongue like “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Easter”, but it’s a holiday just the same. Well, sort of. Blogger Simon Owens decided that he had enough of MySpace, so instead of deleting his account silently and skulking off into the night; he decided to start a revolution by sending MySpace a message–by encouraging other user to delete their accounts on Jan. 30 (article here).

In a nutshell, this is what Owens is saying (paraphrased by me):

NO–we don’t want skanky girl bots hitting on us.

NO–we don’t want messages from Middle Eastern men who want to marry us.

NO–we don’t want friend requests from nekkid chicks.

NO–we don’t want all those silly error messages.

NO–we don’t want music blasting at us whenever we check out someone’s profile (actually, I like that part, but Owens doesn’t).

NO–we don’t want all those stupid ads popping up all over the place taking a stranglehold on our computer screen and we don’t like ‘em being obtrusive either.

NO–we don’t want posers, fakes, and wanna-bes meeting up with little girls and messing with their minds.

NO–Tom isn’t my friend, and why won’t the guy change his profile picture already? Does “Tom” even exist?

OK, so those are the reasons to delete your MySpace account. If you want to jump on the bandwagon, go right ahead. As for me and my computer, we’re keeping our MySpace account (even though half of my profile doesn’t fit on the page since the installation of the “Psych” widget, but hey, you can rock out to “Trust in Me Now” by CADIA) so we can befriend cool bands, make new friends, and fend off Middle Eastern suitors. Don’t you love how I just made my computer a live entity? It’s like my crime-fighting sidekick!

Delete your account; don’t delete your account–what do I care? Whatever you decide, have a happy International Delete Your MySpace Account Day!

And for your reading pleasure, past blog entries regarding these topics by me…

Maybe MySpace Isn’t *THAT* Bad

A Letter to the Guys

I Grew Up Online

The “Christian” Way to Vote

According to Florida pastor Brian Longworth (who I had never heard of until I read this article), if Christians show up to the polls and “vote their values” Mike Huckabee can win the Republican Party’s nomination. Here’s a direct quote from the piece, “Christians make up the largest voting block in America, and when they show up and vote their values, conservatives win. Longworth says that Mike Huckabee is the only conservative among the frontrunners. If Christians support Huckabee, Huckabee can carry Florida and win the Republican nomination.”

Besides the glaring assumptions that Longworth is making, let’s tackle the small ones first.

1. People who identify themselves as Christians do make up the largest voting block in American (about 70%), but not all people who identity themselves as Christians share the same values.

2. Since they may not all share the same values, they may not all be conservative, and therefore would not vote for a Republican candidate. Heck, they may not even be registered Republicans.

3. Even if registered as a Republican, they may share their values with another candidate like McCain, Romney, or Guiliani. Voting for values does not necessarily mean voting for Huckabee.

4. Florida can carry a Huckabee nomination. What are the rest of the states? Chopped liver? Our votes don’t matter?

Now let’s tackle the glaring statements, shall we?

False Assumption #1: If you’re a Christian, then you should have good conservative values, which automatically means a vote for Huckabee.

I am a Christ-follower. I like that terminology because so many people use the word “Christian” to mean all kinds of things. “Christ-follower” invites discussion about what I believe, and doesn’t necessarily merit assumptions. However, even as a Christ-follower, it is assumed that I am a middle-class white Republican conservative. I am not.

I am white.

I am middle-class (barely).

I am registered Republican (although I tried to change my vote to “Independent” but it was crazy paperwork).

I am not conservative; I’m a moderate.

And even though I am classified as all these things doesn’t mean I vote like a robot. I look at the issues, at the candidates, at what they say, how they act, and what they have done in the past. Regardless of gender, religion, race, class (even though they’re all rich), and beliefs, I look at the issues.

No one in any party fits each and every qualification in my choice for President. But to say that I should vote for Mike Huckabee because it’s the Christian thing to do? Whatever.

False Assumption #2: The only issue is that of abortion and overturning Roe V. Wade.

I am whole-heartedly pro-life and against abortion. However, I don’t think people who are pro-choice run around saying, “Hey, let’s kill unborn babies just to kill babies!” No one wants abortion, yet it is a sad choice that women can choose to make.

This is going to shock a lot of you, but at this point, I don’t think that Roe V. Wade should be over-turned. This is why–as long as we can still talk about abortion in the open, we can still offer women alternatives to abortion such as adoption, services for mothers, and post-abortion counseling and care. If abortion becomes illegal, the methods which are dangerous and harmful to women will become even more harmful because they would not be regulated by the government. A woman who had an illegal abortion will not receive treatment for her ailments, and in turn, woman and child will both die. For now, I believe that Roe V. Wade is decided law.

Yes, we need to continue to educate people about the dangers of abortion, but we also need to offer pregnant teens and women options about what to do with their baby once they are with child. Instead of spending money on protests, let’s donate to pregnancy centers that can help these women get prenatal care, parenting classes, and skills to find jobs. That is money much better spent. (FYI: I spent several years as a volunteer for an out shoot ministry of the American Life League. Some of these opinions have come as a result of shoving pro-life literature down people’s throats. If you want me to blog about that, let me know and I would be happy to share that story with you.)

Besides abortion, there are other important issues to consider such as health care, the war in Iraq (One Less Bomb, baby!), social security, education, the economy, and perhaps one of the biggest issues for me–more money for social services! When I vote my values, those are all things I consider.

As a registered Republican, here’s where I stand on my current choices:

Guiliani–no way. I just don’t like him.

Romney–undecided. He seems OK, but I’m just not sure.

Huckabee–leaning to dislike. Something about him rubs me the wrong way. I also don’t like people telling me to vote for him because he’s a Christian.

McCain–I’ve always liked the guy. He’s too gung-hu for the war, but I like his ability to work outside his party to get stuff done. I’m most favorable towards McCain at the moment.

As for the Democrats, I’m really digging on Barack Obama. If he becomes the Democrat nominee, I will definitely take a closer look at Obama and his politics. He had a good chance of winning my vote.

My response: I am a Christ-follower, and I will vote my values, which include more money for education, feeding the poor, housing the homeless, offering housing and care to pregnant women, money for social services to get people things they need, affordable health care for everyone, and a plan to get out of Iraq. It seems to me that Jesus instructed us to care for the poor, to fight for justice to those who have none, and to bind up the broken. These are my values, and I shall vote by them, for I feel they are from God.

Plus, if anyone adopts “One Less Bomb” as a platform, I’m totally into that.

I Wish I Was Beautiful

I wish I was beautiful. Breathtaking, traffic stopping, can-I-buy-you-a-drink beautiful. Not that I really go to bars and get drinks, but sending over a Diet Coke in a friendly dining establishment would work, too.

I’m not hideous or anything. I’m just, you know, me–freckles, flaws and all. The last time I stopped traffic, it was because I was crossing the street when the “Do Not Walk” sign was flashing (almost got run over, too) and the last time anyone honked at me was because I didn’t make a right turn on red due to the “Do Not Turn On Red” sign plastered to the traffic pole.

I may have felt beautiful once or twice. I definitely felt gorgeous when I want to the Winter Semi-Formal Dance my junior year in college. I had a great date, who bought me a beautiful wrist corsage, drove me in his BMW, and treated me like a lady. I asked him to go with me as a friend since I went to an all-women’s college. I mean, I could have waited for one of my classmates to ask me, but I don’t swing that way, though many of them did. It definitely freaked out my date to see girls dancing with girls cheek-to-cheek.

Sometimes I look back at pictures where I think I should have felt beautiful, and I just didn’t. A couple of times, I look at a picture of myself, usually one that’s not posed and unexpected and I think, just maybe, I’m beautiful. Or at least I can flicker within moments of beauty if the light hits me just right.

I’m trying to get over myself. I mean, does it really matter? I’ve listened to “Piece of Glass” by Caedmon’s Call (”Who are you that lies when you stare at my face, Telling me that I’m just a trace, Of the person I once was, Are you telling the truth or a lie, On you I just can’t rely, After all you’re just a piece of glass”) and “Beautiful You” (Beautiful you, all of the time, Jesus in you makes you shine, Beautiful You, Beautiful You) by Considering Lily so much, I could do a mean karaoke version of those tunes should the occasion ever arise. I’ve read Captivating, Falling In Love with Jesus, and a slew of other books that talk about biblical femininity and beauty, and yet I sigh when I look at the pictures of the authors on their bio page. They’re all beautiful.

Someone once told me that a woman at peace with herself is truly beautiful. My friend, Shannon, is like that. In her 50’s, she has piercing blue eyes, long flowing hair that’s brown highlighted in natural grays, and she’s tall and slender. Shannon is also one of the wisest, godliest women I have ever met. Whenever she talks, I want to soak up her words and etch them into my memory.

I spent time with her on her boat (Pacific Catalyst II) in October along with her husband and some friends and had many chances to seize upon her sagely wisdom. Shannon told me that she isn’t flirty and doesn’t use her feminine mystique to manipulate men. That’s how she’s earned respect in church circles, which largely remain a man’s world. The thing about Shannon is that she has no idea how dazzlingly beautiful she is.

I’ve noticed that a lot of truly beautiful people, ones who enchant me, don’t realize their true beauty. They just bounce through life like me, looking in the mirror, and singing the chorus to “Reflection” from Mulan. “Who is that girl I see, Staring straight back at me, When will my reflection show, Who I am inside” (see Mulan clip below).

I believe that all girls long to be beautiful. But even more they long to be beautiful on the inside and valued for their thoughts, gifts and talents. Yet a beautiful girl with amazing gifts and talents seems to get a leg up in the world of love and dating. Ordinary or even less-than-ideal girls only have personality to gauge the attention of the wandering male eye.

I wonder if I was really, really beautiful would I be married by now? Sometimes I think that what I perceive as my lack of physical beauty has held me back. Or that guys are just so repulsed by me they wouldn’t dare think of pursuing anything more than a friendship with me. I also ponder if I was a guy, then would I be married? Guys can be pretty unattractive and still hook up with a nice girl, who is usually easy on the eyes.

I’ve come to falsely believe the problem of my existence is that I’m not beautiful. True, beauty comes with its own problems. Beauty invites, and anything less than beautiful isn’t quite as inviting.

I know I should see myself as gorgeous because I was created in the image of God, but at the same time, it’s hard to think that way. It’s unnatural to women, I believe, because of the Fall. We lost the idea that we are beautiful and captivating. We don’t see that we are the image of God’s beauty, and in fact, we are often treated as being less than human by men throughout history and in some countries in the world today.

Besides, it’s not like Christian guys are any different. They all say they want a Proverbs 31 woman, yet many can’t even describe what a Proverbs 31 woman is in today’s culture. Yet Christian guys, committed Bible-reading Christian guys, still get goggly eyed over chicks in skimpy clothes. Not only do nice guys finish last, nice girls do, too. Maybe they could date each other.

I know that beauty is only skin deep and that character counts. I just need to let my inside shine out for all the world to see. I need to be a confident woman, a go-getter, full of enthusiasm, and content in my self-worth. That’s what guys want, I’m told, a chick who doesn’t care whether or not she’s a hottie, but one that is at peace with herself. That sounds really hard.

Still, I wish I could stop a guy dead in his tracks with one look. I wish I could get a guy across the room to buy me a Diet Coke. I wish I was what society generally accepts as “beautiful”, at least for one day.

Read follow-up post, “A Confident Woman”.

Here’s a clip of Mulan singing “Reflection” (vocals by Lea Salonga)

One Less Bomb

Sarah and I were chatting with our friend, Shari, about tax refunds.  We were talking about the possibility of getting $600 economic stimulus checks in June.  Everyone agreed that free money from the government would be pretty darn awesome.

I mentioned that the war in Iraq was costing trillions of dollars soaking up our tax money.  All of a sudden, Sarah blurted out, “The U.S. should drop one less bomb and send me the money instead.”  Her comment was met with uproarious laughter.

I added, “Yeah, everyone could get a check from one less bomb.”

“I paid off my school loans and bought a bag of tater tots,” joked Shari, to which Sarah added that we had some tots in the freezer.

“OneLessBomb.com would be a great name for a website,” I said excitedly.  Sarah and Shari rolled their eyes.  “Seriously, think of all the stuff we could buy with one less bomb.  I didn’t kill a bunch of Iraqis today and I got myself a Nintendo Wii.”  It’s perfect and it fits into the U.S. obsession with commercialism.

We’re too poor to actually afford the domain name and too apathetic to actually protest the war in Iraq.  We are Gen-X’ers, after all.  But I did design a kickin’ logo–what else does our movement really need?  It’s all about the cool logo.

Plus, we even started a Facebook group, so look for “One Less Bomb” on our fave social networking site.

Pornography Raping Minds of Parkland Students

Imagine my surprise seeing one of the local high schools being “featured” on major news networks–for spreading student porn via their cell phones. Yes, Parkland High School (PHS), a proud and robust establishment with an excellent academic, athletic, and arts program is the scene of a scandal (full story).

The pornographic material includes one female student engaging in sex with an unidentified male and the other image is one a girl sent of herself exposing her breasts. Officials say that the images had only been transmitted to about 40 students, but they’ve got to be kidding. The pictures were sent a few months ago, so I can only imagine all the places in the world they’ve been by now. Students have until Tuesday to have the images deleted off their phones or they could face prosecution.

By the way, did you know the school’s mascot is “the Trojan”? Yup, the Parkland Trojans. I’m sure that causes a few giggles because of a similarly named brand of condoms.

Having worked with kids who have graduated from or attended the high school, I have been to the campus of PHS many times. It’s a nice, clean school with normal high school kids from affluent neighborhoods. People are balking at the teens and shaking their heads in disbelief that something so heinous could happen at PHS.

First, if this is what the students are sending each other via pics messages, what do they send each other online? I mean, maybe PHS should start taking a look into their students’ MySpace accounts. Oh, wait, they probably don’t care unless it happens on their campus. Believe me, what parents could find on their own computers is much worse (and on the computers of some of Parkland’s teachers).

Second, this is what some high school kids do and they think it’s funny. While I believe the behavior is unacceptable and should not be tolerated, what do we expect in a culture that bears all on television and movies? And what do we expect when parents allow their kids to watch all that crap without explaining that type of behavior is scandalous? Plus, we’re a culture of sex, and this is one more example of how teens are products of their culture (read my post “It’s a Sexually Explicit Day in the Neighborhood” for more of my thoughts on this topic.).

Third, I hope this helps Parkland and other high schools to start educating teens about pornography and sexuality. I used to volunteer for a pro-life organization and part of my job was selling merchandise. I had these bumper stickers that read, “Pornography rapes the mind.” At one concert event, I sold out of these stickers, which was awesome because it raised money for the organization. Then I realized the kids bought them so they could rip out the words “pornography” and “rape” to stick on each other. It made me puke…literally.

Let’s get serious in teaching teens about pornography and sexuality (even abstinence). Stop putting off that important talk and start tackling these issues with the teens in your life today…or we’re going to have much bigger scandals than this in the high schools throughout our nation.

Flagpole Licking Fun

Two Indiana boys spent too much time watching A Christmas Story during winter break (it is on for 24 hours non-stop). The fourth graders decided to try out a scene from the movie when a boy gets double-dog dared to stick his tongue to a wooden pole (full story).

Here’s a funny quote from the story, “Gavin Dempsey and James Alexander were serving on flag duty at Jackson Elementary School Friday morning, with the job of raising and lowering the school’s flags. They decided to see if their tongues really would stick to the cold metal.” That’s hilarious! They were on flag duty for crying out loud.

I love fourth graders! When I saw the headline to the article, I figured that middle school boys were behind these antics. But, no, boys the same age as the kids in the movie. It’s sort of…cute.

The story doesn’t say how Gavin and James managed to remove their bleeding tongues from the metal pole. A metal pole? Don’t they know that the kid in A Christmas Story stuck his tongue to a wooden pole?

I wonder what Neal Gabler, author of Life: The Movie, would have to say about this. Life: The Movie talks about how entertainment has pervaded our culture. It’s a good read; check it out. And on your way to the bookstore, resist the urge to lick flagpoles and other outdoor objects. I triple dog dare you!

A Night With Hitler

(Dragana Jovanovic/ ABC )

Want to spend the night with a man who was responsible for slaughtering millions of innocent people? All you need to do is head over to the Mr. President Hotel in Belgrade and pay $200 for a night with Hitler. OK, in a Hitler-themed room (full story).

Dusan Zabunovic, the owner of the hotel, claims the “Hitler Junior Suite” is the most popular room in his hotel. The Mr. President’s rooms are all named after a current or past world leader. You can also spend the night with Margaret Thatcher, the Bushes, Fidel Castro, and Joseph Stalin among others.

I don’t know about you, but when I’m traveling I don’t want to spend the night with any strangers, especially world leaders…especially Hitler. I mean, how can you get a good night’s rest with that big portrait of Hitler looming over you? Despite the fact that Hitler and some of these other guys are famous, that doesn’t mean they should be “glorified” by having a room named after them. The only thing Hitler and those like him should be remembered for is their cruelty. We must never forget.

Instead, maybe this man should have opened a hotel and named rooms after those who perished in the ovens at Auschwitz, died in the death marches across the country, or starved to death in the Jewish ghettos. They are the ones who deserve to be honored. I’d spent the night on a cold, hard bench in Auschwitz before I would ever enter the steps of the Mr. President Hotel.

Men Dress in Drag to Win Hannah Montana Tix

Ugliest group of women you’ll ever see. Photo courtesy of The Daily Herald.

If you wanna get Hannah Montana tickets, you gotta do like a lady…or a really ugly woman. In some truly disturbing and bizarre contests around the country, grown men have been dressing up like little girls, more specifically 14 year-old singing sensation, Hannah Montana. They’re dads, uncles, grandpas (and undercover Hannah fans?) doing the truly humiliating to score a couple of tix for that special ‘tween gal in their lives (story here).
In Chicago, 15 men transformed themselves into Hannah Montana, donning her blond wig, sparkly clothes, signing autographs, and even breaking out in (bad renditions) of her hit songs. However, this alarming trend is happening in cities across the United States–150 men in drag raced in high heels for tickets in St. Louis, Grand Rapids’ men in drag did some sort of an egg race, in Milwaukee dads in drag performed Hannah songs on a stage in the mall, while in Florida a man held onto a Hannah Montana statue for six days straight to get a pair of the golden tickets.

According to The Daily Herald article, this is the only way that many girls will ever have a chance to see their favorite pop idol. The article states, “Parents across the country have demonstrated they’ll do almost anything for Hannah Montana tickets, which routinely sell out in minutes and can go for hundreds and even thousands of dollars.”

I wouldn’t pay thousands of dollars for my fave kid to go see Hannah Montana (maybe Miley Cyrus, but definitely not Hannah Montana), but I would make a fool out of myself…for Hannah Montana tickets. I mean, why not? You only live once. Unfortunately, I have a leg up being a blond girl who can carry a tune. But sadly, they seem to only want men in drag (there are so many things wrong with that statement).

Below is a video of one of these cursed events…