Crappy Children’s Church Crafts

My mom just called me to ask me if the local craft store had pony beads in various color for a craft she was putting together for the children’s program at her church. She that the children were learning about the plagues brought on Egypt when Pharaoh refused to free the Israelites from slavery; each bead was to represent one of the plagues. The children, then, would make a color-coded plague bracelet so they could remember the plagues. By committing this to memory, the kids were to be reminded of God’s faithfulness and His power to deliver his people.

When I was a kid, we used to make “gospel bracelets” with red, white, black, yellow, green, and blue beads to tell the salvation story to curious individuals who spied our bracelets. We were prepared in advance for these witnessing opportunities. However, I never made a “plague bracelet”. If some unsuspecting person were to ask the child about the plague bracelet, would the child then explain the plague of boils or locusts? Frankly, I could see some kids getting more excited about the massive destruction brought onto the Egyptians rather than the redeeming power of God. (When I was a little girl, I always loved the part of the story where Moses parts the Red Sea. Then right as the Egyptian army is about to cross–WHOOSH!–they all get washed away. It still gives me chills.)

Seriously, who thinks of these crafts? Are these the same people who make the flannel board figures that go along with Bible lessons? Probably. I mean, those flannel graph people have hairdos from the 1940’s and all look Caucasian. The stories took place in the Middle East; therefore, the characters should look Middle Eastern.

At the moment, I can’t think of a replacement craft, but I’m sure almost anything would be better than a plague bracelet.  I have a few lesson suggestions of my own.  Next week, the class will be collecting rocks and etching each and every one of the ten commandments into the rock, using verses from the King James Version of the Bible (because KJV is more elegant, of course). The week after that a herpetologist will be bringing on a brood of vipers to bite the children. Upon being bitten, the kids can choose anti-venom by looking at the paper snake hanging from the ceiling (you know, the Israelites all get bitten by snakes for their unfaithfulness and they’re dying. But Moses lifts up the snake on a stick and all the sick people have to do is look at the snake to be healed. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go read your Bible!!!) Now that’s a practical Bible lesson.

Honestly, do we need to waste our resources on stupid things like plague bracelets? The materials used to make the bracelets were probably put together by slave labor in China anyway. Why don’t we actually do something memorable with kids? Why don’t we think of better ways to show God’s redeeming power? Kids need to learn the great history of the Bible, but they also need to learn how to apply it practically. Beaded plague bracelets are far from practical, and they’re a bit sadistic, too.