O, Christmas Tree: Fake vs. Real

 

The above picture has to be one of the most beautiful examples of fake holiday tree fashion ever.  It’s not as tacky as its tinsel tree cousin, adding smiles and happiness to onlookers…or just me.  It could definitely use a few lights and more decorations though.

Each year, like a billion other people around the planet, I put up a Christmas tree–a fake Christmas tree.  It’s four feet high, white, and laced with fiber optics.  That’s right; we don’t make any attempt to pretend our tree is artificial instead preferring a “fashionable” tree.  Truth be told, the first year we had our own apartment Sarah and I wanted to get either an orange or pink tree and decorate it with pink or orange ornaments, beautifully mixing our two favorite colors.  Unfortunately, we were unable to find any such tree at the time and opted for a fiber optic tree instead.  Subsequently, we have been able to find both orange and pink tree, but have outgrown that phase of our tacky Christmas decorating (plus, I’ve grown rather fond of the color green).  However, we still get a chuckle out of tacky holiday ornaments and try to purchase at least one every year.

Looking at my fake tree last night, I was struck with a thought.  Isn’t chopping down real trees and selling them on lots on highways bad for the environment?  Certainly, deforestation is bad and is a direct cause of global warming…I think.  I can’t be sure anymore because everything seems to cause global warming, so why not Christmas trees?  Maybe all the electricity we use putting lights on the Christmas trees causes an energy crisis and that’s a cause of global warming.  Any day now some grinch is going to come out with a study about how the Christmas season causes global warming–stores using more energy by being open later, all the gas that vehicles consume with folks traveling to and from seasonal festivities, wrapping paper that doesn’t get recycled, consumer waste.  Yeah, any day now–mark my words.

Anyway, I’ve been led to believe that cutting down trees is bad.  Therefore, wouldn’t it seem that cutting down millions of trees for people to decorate is also bad?  Apparently the answer is no.  Christmas tree farms plant three new trees for every one tree that they cut down, plus Christmas trees can be recycled (to read more about this topic, go here).  According to the National Christmas Tree Association (yeah, there really is one of those.  They even have a website), fake trees are more hazardous to the environment because when they get tossed out after serving their time, they just take up space in a land fill.  Plus, get this, since most of them are made in China, lead-based products could be used to manufacture our trees, so kids probably shouldn’t help with the decorating.  Of course, that’s just what an organization like the National Christmas Tree Association would have us think.  They’re pushing  real trees to make a buck–they don’t care if your cat climbs the thing and knocks it over or if your dog uses the tree as an indoor toilet.

Speaking of toilets, did you know that the first fake Christmas trees were invented in the 1930’s by the Addis Brush Company using the same technology that they used to make toilet brushes?   (Read more here).  Given that information, I’ve come up with the perfect solution–when you’re done with your artificial Christmas tree, just chop that thing up and use it to clean your toilet.  If you are getting rid of a big fake tree, you could have toilet brushes for years to come!   See, now even those of us with artificial trees can recycle, too. I knew this conundrum has to have a silver lining, or maybe silver tinsel, which could probably be a fire hazard…

If you’re trashing your artificial tree after the holiday season, think again, environmentally conscious consumer, and consider making it your new toilet brush instead.  That way we can save the environment, prevent global warming, and have sparkling clean toilets.  And Christmas is all about clean toilets, right?   Plus, won’t I look stylish cleaning my toilet with a fiber optic brush.  Oh, wait, I probably shouldn’t plug it in if I’m cleaning my toilet, should I?